My word took some time to become my word this year. After a difficult year with the word free, I was hesitant about God giving me a word that would be difficult to live.
Trying to be transparent with my life, I am sharing my self assessment from 2011.
Unraveling 2011 “free”
What disappointed me? That I didn’t finish what I started with my weight or my debt free goal. That depression took over my life for a few months and separated me from my children. The secular craft fairs weren’t successful and took a lot of time and energy for a small return. That my relationship with my daughters is still very difficult.
What surprised me? Meeting Connie and Jan was such a blessing and affirmation. The success of my art work and the sales at church sponsored events. Loving my Grandson so much. Highlights were AHC classes and sales.
Where did I excel? Increased my blogging and attracted more readers/followers. Established Etsy and selling through etsy is a possible revenue source. I discovered that I love to create, I love to teach and inspire others. My creations were successful and I was able to worship God through my work. I walked for 75% of the year. I made new art friends and had artistic growth! Attended 6 craft shows and they showed me that secular craft shows are not the venue for my work. I completed lots of projects and sold them and created classes for COB. I earned more than $1500 in profit from AHC.
Where did I fail? I didn’t lose weight, I actually gained weight. I stopped walking in November when my walking partner moved. I became depressed and my emotional state affected my relationships with my children that I am still repairing. 2011 was supposed to be about being free- I actually think 2011 was difficult, emotional and stressed. I experienced artistic growth, but the emotional issues hobbled me. I withdrew from a lot of my life ( NHC, small group, neighbors). I didn’t get out of debt which was my goal. I was able to pay off about $2k in debt but paid for my son's rehearsal dinner, so am now $3600 in debt. I bought QuickBooks and began to create my business but it is not finished. I have to finish entering all 2011 AR & AP.
Think back to the person you were when you initially picked your OLW. Compare it to the individual you have become.
I wanted to be free, but my emotional state actually kept me captive in 2011. I didn’t turn to God to help me, I did the same old thing- I “took care of myself”. I am still feeling numb, and I don’t feel in control of my emotions or behavior.
Did you expect to see the amount of growth you have experienced over the past year? Or maybe you had difficulty with your word and didn’t see the full fruit of the word in your life.
I had such difficulty that I only saw growth in my artistic creativity. Not in my emotional or physical life.
How did God use your OLW in ways you were not expecting?
He allowed me to become more creative and to meet new Christian artist that are an encouragement and inspiration.
What are some lessons you have learned over the past year? I have an emotional issue that I need to address. It has crippled me and turned my children away from me. I am not living life fully and with hope and love. I have difficulty being a loving person, I am stressed most of the time with my children.
If you could sit down with your future self, what would you want them to know about all the emotions, expectations and fears you harbored when you began your OLW journey? I believe in the OLW and have seen the growth and happiness in following the word God gives me. I must address the issues in my life so that God can use me.
What word is God giving you for 2012? steadfast
Why do you feel that God is drawing you to this word? Honestly looking at myself, I realize I start things with the best intentions and then don’t finish. I find excuses to not do or be what I committed to. This year I want to finish strong, keep my commitments to myself and do what I say. It is about my integrity.
If you embraced and lived this word daily, what could God do in your life and how would 2012 be different for you?
I would be unshakable, unfaltering and steady in my daily life. I would finish what I start. I would have confidence in Jesus to give me strength to finish strong.
In what ways do you already live/follow this word? For a lot of things I do finish, but the most important- my health, my faith I waver, and allow myself to fall away.
In what ways do you not live/follow this word? I say I am going to do something and then I start but don’t finish. I want to finish strong with what I know is important. I want to be balanced. This word also fits with abiding, which was my word in 20010. Free from 2011 is part of steadfast too- to be free of worry and trust in God for all my needs and to give me the strength to finish!
What old patterns or beliefs have kept you from living this word until now? I get excited and decide to do something, then when the emotions wear off I stop and don’t finish. I want to change that pattern. To only commit to what I really can do.
I have created a list of goals for 2012. To be shared next week.
My purpose in 2012 I will be steadfast. I will focus on only making commitments I can keep.
Outcomes for 2012:
At the end of 2012 I will FINISH STRONG.
Theme for 2012:
the year of CONSISTENCY
That was some year you had! I'm sorry the dog of depression took a bite out of you for a time. Living with chronic pain, he likes to nip at my heels a little too :-)
Think it great that some good stuff developed as well, like finding out where your target audience for your art is, that's a biggie. Working in abstract, my audience isn't wide so I look at venues carefully to see if we are a fit.
Be blessed in His steadfastness in 2012!
Posted by: Bren | Friday, January 13, 2012 at 05:37 AM